We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
