I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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