Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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