If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
