just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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