I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
