while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
