we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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