to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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