she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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