mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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