I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
