I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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