it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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