I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
