Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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