I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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