Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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