dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
