that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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