If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
