We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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