***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just google imaged poop.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
