tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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