So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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