just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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