It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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