I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
