Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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