If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
