Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
