i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
