he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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