actually, I'm a sock model
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
