my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
