Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
