I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize