That's when you crack a 10am beer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
