whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
