Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have demons in me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
