turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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