Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
