So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
