all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
