whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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