well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
