We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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