You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
