Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
