Are we in a gay sports bar?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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