Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
