I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
