Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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