You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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