she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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