Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Plan B is the new Plan A
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
