hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
