If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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