Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
