Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
