Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
