I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
