Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
