I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize