hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
