not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
