Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
