I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
