At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
