Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
