I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
