We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Found the puke drawer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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